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Ball Marr Re !!!!!

10 May

“Yei ball hidiyo ninn ajii” 

“Ree.. yaar ri helu kottiddu nimage fielding-u”

“yei Ahmed..teek se khel baa..”

“dai ravi… yenna daaa panre ange adi raa baal-e…”


“yeeey caaaaatch !!!!”

“lei adda yako barthiya nann magane?”

 “ree side kodri…namm match aadbeko bedvo?”

“ondaro sariyagi hidiyo ninn ayyan”

“yemra least ball aara petko raa”

“achar-re good shaaat”

These are conversations from different cricket matches all happening within 50 feet of each other…come weekends, the National College Grounds play host to 100’s of tennis ball matches that are played simultaeneously and seemingly with every game adjoining the other…

However the players know exactly where the boundaries are.. and they know exactly who is in which match…it looks like chaos but there is order..they come from all over the place with one intent…to play cricket…

This, Madhavan Park and the ground in Malleswaram are the last bastions for weekend cricket. MNK Park used to be one before it was converted to a “walker’s paradise”.

Of course come election time, the field is used and misused for political rallies…the cricketers wait patiently.. 

A Sea of Games

Indian Phookat League

26 Mar

Went to the Bhangra dance also known as the IPL yesterday….full cheerleaders, DJs, VJs..and all the J’s…and yes some cricket.

First time for a T20….Next time I’ll watch it on TV.

Printed value on ticket was Rs. 44,000…seriously I dont think anyone buys this stuff..everyone there was probably like me..a free ride..

I asked several people whether they actually bought the ticket for this price and it was denied by all.

So boring to watch cricket from the “Executive Lounge”. Theres free food and booze and no one cares whos winning…and everyone wants to get on TV with the celebrity crowd…
Give me my gallery crowd anytime…but I’ll take the champagne…hic

Did He or Didn’t He?

15 Jul

The ultimate “confessions” show Moment of Truth’s Hindi version is here (the show should actually be titled “Making a Fool of Yourself on TV”). Its called Sach Ka Saamna.

For those not in the know, this show puts contestants through embarrassing questions about their lives. Usually at the end of the show in the best case they end up with some money and no family..or worst case no money and no family.

Looks like they have turned to quasi celebrities in India, which is a great idea…case in point Rakhi Sawant…who’ll probably be on the show after her “Swayamvar”.

The first bakra to create a controversy is ex-cricketer Vinod Kambli who decimated club like bowlers from Kenya to Zimbabwe. Apparently he said some things on the show not too complementary to Sachin Tendulkar and the BCCI.

..true to character (which means he has a great future in politics), he has now denied making any comments..

To Quote:

My family and Sachin’s family have felt bad about this. I have not said anything against BCCI as well. I have played for India for 18 years. I can’t even dream of speaking against BCCI,” said Kambli.

I guess we’ll find out…the guy is probably begging the show producers to pull his show.. the BCCI will remove his chaddis (as in pension)..

Give them a break… Shut Up !!!!!!

16 Jun

Ok all this time it was hero worship for Dhoni’s boys. Now our fickle media has turned on them. One idiotic channel was running a poll on whether Dhoni should remain captain while the sports editors were crying themselves hoarse with their take on the issue (I’d like to see them play).

Heres some advise for the media:

  • India lost..they lost..any team can lose. Get that into your thick skulls.
  • Stop pontificating and analyzing things to death. Its just a game.
  • And please dont get former players to come in and comment. Most of the old buzzards are pissed that the current crop make more money than they do.
  • A special request to Times Now TV… ask Boria Majumdar to stop shouting into the mike. We can hear him well.
  • There are other things to worry about other than why India got beaten in T20. Focus on that !!

For instance focus on why Harsha Bhogale is wearing that ridiculous wig. That has to be more interesting. Is it a wig? Does it have a sponsor? Does he have different colors..will that solve the Kashmir issue? What effect will it have on global warming?

you guys are used to discussing such things anyway so this is right up your alley.

Give team India a break..these things happen…chill out and SHUT THE **** up.

Chappell in Charge and other cricket WTF’s

22 Oct

The Chappell magic seems to be working for Australia. Anything he touches seems to turn into “fools gold”.

After single handedly demolishing the Indian team, Chappell is now doing the same with the Aussies. Its bad Karma.

In other Cricket news, Vijay Mallya the owner of the Royally Challenged IPL team met with the owners of the Deccan (Dis)Chargers to see if they can cut costs by collaborating with each other (just like Kingfisher and Jet Airways). “The idea is to use each other’s assets” he said. As I type this, they are still trying to identify “Assets”.

Neo Cricket’s highlights are great, but do they need Mohinder Amarnath to suddenly appear and make a summary??? Someone needs to tell him to get rid of the “wooden” expression. Or maybe they have told him hes on Radio?

IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi is now a brand ambassador for something. I dont remember what.. was busy laughing at the very notion…

Adieu Gangu Da

7 Oct

I am NOT looking forward to watching news on TV Tonight.

The ticker will say: BREAKING NEWS : Ganguly to Retire

As if on cue the news channels will have their “experts” (all of them with a combined average thats one-tenth of Ganguly’s) weigh in with their opinions. SMS polls will be held. Effigies of the BCCI president will be burnt. Kolkatta will be very angry.

All the sports anchors will be anchoring “Face the Nation” like programs where the following points will be discussed. They need not be related to Ganguly at all:

1. Was Ganguly treated fairly?

2. Is this an injustice to Bengal?

3. Will he now join the Communist Party?

4. Is this anyway related to the Tatas moving out?

5. Will Mamata Blabberji lead another Dharna.. and will she blame Ganguly’s retirement on  the Government.

6. How will SRK react?

7. Will he be the next president of the Cricket Association in Bengal?

8. Will Manmohan Singh intervene?

9. Is this a plot by Dhoni?

10. Was a deal made when Ganguly was selected for the team?

11. Will he start acting in Movies?

They will go on and on and on….each one clinging to the mike like a lifeline.

In the meantime I am sure Ganguly will do well post retirement from Cricket. If only the other guys get the hint and hang up their boots while they are ahead…

Thanks for the memories Saurav. Enjoy retirement. Take it easy.

June 25, 2033 – Where will you be?

26 Jun

I am tired of the question “Where were you on June 25th 1983?”… it was a day when India won its one and only world cup. 25 years later we are still celebrating it. Dont get me wrong.. I think it was a great victory.. but its getting a bit tiresome… In the meantime Australia has won 3. The BCCI keeps milking this event…

So I take you to the future.. June 25 2033…

India is celebrating the 50th year of its winning its one and only world cup. Octogenerian Sunil Gavaskar can still play with the young turks and said he wished another Indian team would win the world cup soon. He was tired of going to the same old felicitation ceremony over and over and over again.

Former India captain M.S Dhoni regretted that the Indian team could not win the 50 over world cup. They had won every other title 20/20, 10/10, 5/5, and the One over dhamaka (1/1). He hoped Dhoni Jr would have better luck.

Modi the commissioner of the IPL and the newly formed under 10 league said that there was a lot of talent in India. He cited the 1 year old prodigy Babloo. “We have the talent. We just have to win” he said.

Kapil who leads the rebel tiny tots league said that he still feels proud that he was the only captain to lead india to a world cup win. “There is no answer to me (Kapil kaa Jawab Nahin)” he said. He said “I always have a feeling ki that we will win every tournaement we that play in.. but we are not giving the 100% effort like my boys in 1983”.

190 year old Lele who was the BCCI Secy when India won the world cup said that he would definitely be around when the guys won the world cup the next time.

Kirmani still felt that India was not winning because none of the Wicketkeepers came to him for advise.

Rajdeep Sardesai the veteran’s veteran of news anchor wondered if reservations introduced in the team had affected our perfomances. “After all a 30% reservation for upper castes sends the wrong signals” he said.
 Kris Srkkkant the Brand Ambassador for the “Chennai Sooper Children” (under 10 league) said “WellIdontthinkreservationsarebad….  therearenobadreservationsonlybadreservers..gasp..gasp”.

Mohinder Amarnath was still on his way to the function…he was looking for that red hanky…

All players were sure that they will be back in 2083 for the 100th Anniversary celebrations of India winning the world cup.

A new Gym for the Boys & Bow Wow

12 May

Most interesting news of the weekend was that the Cricket Board (BCCI) was going to build a gym and fitness center for our fearless leaders in the Parliament.
Thats surprising ’cause I thought that the MP’s got enough exercise when they staged walkouts, stormed the well of the house and engaged in fistacuffs with each other. The communists are apparently against this display of capitalism. They get their exercise the old fashioned way…by marching in the hot sun to the Rashtrapathi (now Rashtrapathni) Bhavan.

Arjun Singh, the Congress party’s own version of the Vodafone pup suddenly had a burst of bravado in which he declared that the Congress party was full of hypocrites… yada yada yada… two days and one cold shoulder later hes back to licking stamps and declaring his unending loyalty.

Heres the cute Vodafone video .. must apologize to Vodafone for the comparison to Arjun Singh.

The Health Minister from Hell and other What the ****

9 May

He wants Shah Rukh and Amitabh to stop smoking. He wants them to stop drinking.

No. Not in real life… in reel life.

Right from the day he stepped into office, Anbumani “Gasbag” Ramadoss has done everything except the work that needs to be done by a health minister. He seems to be hell bent on SRK and the Big B. Maybe there is some childhood fetish that hes trying to fulfill.

If he made a movie, there would be the intro titles that would immediately be followed by the ending titles.

The election frenzy has now reached fever pitch…One of the things thats been revealing is how the candidates have shamelessly declared their assests… amazing how easily they flaunt their new found wealth and are asking for another chance to loot the public.

The Royal Challengers (or should we call them Royally Challenged) cannot seem to buy a victory. The story is they cannot win a game if it was fixed. As Nikhil said during a game.. .”Look dad ‘The Wall’ (Dravid) and ‘The Compound’ (Jaffer) are opening the innings”. Meantime Charu Sharma has been made the scapegoat. More scapegoats will follow.

Sony Set Max Still Sucks

21 Apr

I had bleated about this one before (Can someone tell SET Max that their timing sucks)

SET Max are the official channel of the IPL…. AND THEY STILL SUCK at cricket broadcasting.

Looks like they want to milk ad revenues so much so that they still cut off the commentators mid way.Looks like the “Einstien” in charge has told his guys that the IPL has 5 ball overs. So many times we don’t see the last ball.

Plus I think SET Max has hired ex-Doordarshan camera folk. The camera swings to the boundary even when the batsman has played a defensive shot.

Last time I had ranted about the dancing tiger who came and did a jig everytime there was a boundary. This times theres an Ad from Vodafone that appears as a ticker and some loud Bhangra music…RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAY… I can understand the ticker (need to milk airtime revenue)…. BUT WHY MUSIC ????? !!!!!

Learn from ESPN/Star Sports  $%^&**$###

 UPDATE: Someone else has similar views on the advertising.