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Whose son?

14 Jun

Forwarding mails can get dangerous. Murali Partha was telling me this story about a mutual friend.

This friend (VG) had a baby. Now he forwards these baby pictures to a colleague (Mr. MD) of his with the subject “My Son’s Pictures”.

MD in turn forwards it to all employees with the same subject. A reply comes back to MD from another colleague (CC’d to the rest of the organization INCLUDING VG) as follows:

Dear MD,
You son looks handsome. I think he looks just like you. Congratulations!

Lesson: When forwarding mails like this.. CHANGE THE SUBJECT LINE…

The HCL Ad

10 Jun

Its the weekend and I am in a  silly mood. So decided to nitpick the HCL Ad.

I dont know how many of you have watched the Ad.. recently launched as part of a “rebranding” campaign. For those of you who haven’t heres the Youtube Video.

Now heres the question. You work for a $4B company (according to the Ad), they are sending you in a helicopter to go “overseas for a “life sciences” project”… Why does the helicopter pick you up in the middle of nowhere? AND !! Why does the company expect you to hitch a ride? Can’t they send you a cab?

Ok.. ok.. I’ll stop… but just think about it..

P.S: Can you fly overseas in a Helicopter? (from India at least) 

The Drugs are not mine saaar – God Promise

7 Jun

First it was Vijay Raaz, next Prasad Bidappa, now DJ Aqueel, all  have been caught with drugs on them.. all of them in Dubai.

How come? Are they carrying it for someone? OR as their near and dear ones claim someone “planted” it on them. The latest apparently is the managing director of Percept Holdings…

With this in mind, I decided to come up with a cheat sheet for our “up-market” executives.

Here are the Top Ten Excuses to be given when caught with drugs in Dubai (other than the “Planted” excuse):

1. I thought it was headache medicine

2. I thought it was “Gopal Pallu Pudi”

3. It was there when I purchased the suitcase/trouser/shirt/underwear

4. I carry it around to remind people about the evil of drugs

5. Isn’t it legal here?

6. Its a US/Cong/BJP/BSP/SP plot to defame me

7. I thought it was “Vibhoothi”

8. I was told to hand over this stuff to you

9. I dont have money for a hotel room and a return ticket (I was hoping you would deport me… and provide free lodging)

10. These are for D-Bhai. Is he here?

Please feel free to add.

The Queens English it is not…

7 May

…… but it conveys the message

The Picture Says it all.


Citibank and Dead People

27 Apr

I had written about Citibank and their peerless customer service before.

I got this forwarded as an email. I think its the funniest one I have received in a long time. The sad part is this is probably true. Here goes:

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to
the credit bureau, maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about
her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you,
she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still
apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.”
(Lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more
I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could
just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.” (What is
wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?

The lesson as the email says: CANCEL YOUR CARDS BEFORE YOU DIE.

Totally “Not So Useful” Statistics

26 Apr

So, one of my favorite readers sent me a mail today that 33.33% of my last 9 posts begin with a “So”.

Damn.. so did this post 😉

Protests and Effigies – A Business Idea

17 Apr

Cauvery Judgement Out – We protest… burn Effigies

Our Cricketers screw up – We protest…burn Effigies

Shilpa gets insulted in “Big Brother” – We protest…burn Effigies

Mandira Bedi wears a tattoo – We protest…burn Effigies

Richard Gere smooches Shilpa Shetty – We protest…burn Effigies

Anything happens – We protest… burn Effigies

Me thinks there is a huge business opportunity to manufacture Effigies for burning. Its an all India market. Today the effigies don’t look anything like the subjects. We can actually make “life like” effigies and even give them sound effects.

The other idea is to create a tourism package around protests. Have a common place for all protests and build stands where people can sit and watch.