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The Anatomy of “preparing” for an Event. Indian Ishtyle

31 Jan

First we had the Commonwealth Games. Now the Cricket world cup. Each of these has stadia being prepared at the last moment….Eden Gardens looks like a dump..and yet they are “assuring” people that they will be ready…fortunately Suresh Kalmadi doesnt have his tentacles here..else they’d be short of money as well..

So typically heres how we seem to approach events in general:

1. Go all out to get the event to be held in India. Send Aishwarya Rai, Dawood Ibrahim etc.. In other words do what it takes…

2. Keep quiet till only a few months are left..suddenly wake up and realize that small things such as roads, electricity, water and of course the stadia needs to be built or start deciding who to award the project most cases the awardees are friends, relatives and thieves (not necessarily in that order).

3. In the meantime our News Channels that are hungry for news start sending out “investigative” reporters with hidden cameras…then the debate starts… usually the headlines will be something like “INDIA SHAMED AGAIN…”

4. In the meantime the members of the Organizing committe or the local organizers (like the ones in Kolkata) keep saying everything is on track.. background shows workers mixing concrete to build the statium to host the event in another two weeks…

5. TV channels in the meantime are using this as a filler between the next scam and high profile murder…

6. Now suddenly the politicians realize that they can get mileage from this situation as well…so they jump into the fray…usually accusing the government and demanding resignations…usually of unrelated ministers…for instance in this case, the defence minister and the foreign minister will be asked to resign…of course the PM is a common factor in all calls for resignations..

7. As in the case with Eden Gardens, the finance minister who happens to be from Bengal..says “I am dephinetely soor that bhee vill be ready. I will talk to Mr. Powor”…

8. Meantime the above mentioned Mr. Powor is figuring how to hide onions…

…and so it goes..on and on and on and on… we never seem to learn…

Oh ya..and then the Parlimentary Enquiries Start…

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“Learning” inside out

5 Jan

The “L” board on a friend’s car pasted the wrong way…he claims his wife (who is learning to drive in India) stuck it. Me thinks its my buddy…and yes I told him I’d blog it !!!

Bujjet Analysis

28 Feb

Bujjet is over..this time presented by Rt Honorable Pronob Mukerjee…the railbay bujjet also presented by Didi who kept telling opposition to “sut up and keep koit”…
TV Channels have gone beserk with their pre-analysis, live analysis, and post analysis (am glad this is done because I dont have to listen to these “experts” until next year)…I stopped watching news channels till the budget was over..

“Watching the bujjet” is a popular pastime with people who think they can make a difference by watching it..

Overall heres my analysis:

Some things went up..
Some things went down…
Some things stayed the same…

Ruling party loves budget…
Opposition hates budget…
Some parties have threatened to take to the streets..

NOTHING CHANGES YEAR ON YEAR…heres my take on the 2008 Budget

The Hotelier’s Request

20 Feb

Well, my blog “retirement” lasted less than a month…here we go again…

Saar, I have one friend who would like some advise from you on getting a visa. So said “K”, an aquaintance.

“K” was a nice enough guy and had taken voluntary retirement from a public sector bank. Post retirement (at 40), I would often run into him at the local restaurant. The more I tried to avoid him the quicker he found me…anyway thats another story.

“No problems K” I said..pleased that all my foreign travel was appreciated by someone…

Now the friend who needed this advice was the owner of this restaurant. The guy owned a whole chain and was very successful.

So K takes me upstairs to this guy’s office. The room was gaudily decorated and had an idol of every God worth worshipping..carved rosewood furniture, multi colored lamps..the works…

So the initial introduction happens…some snacks are ordered..and the guy starts off..

“Saar, I know you are working with foreign company and are sponsoring peoples to go abroad..”

“Well..I…” I start to babble…its the first time I have heard of “sponsoring” people…

“Anyhow” he continues not waiting for me..”I want to go overseas and want your help”

“Well”, I counter…”Shouldnt be hard for you..after all you are a successful businessman”

“Illa sir…not the point..its very I need your help”..

Now K jumps in… “you see his passport has been impounded…theres a small police case…very minor..”

“Yes..yes..very minor”, the hotelier mumbled..

K continues..” Is it possible for him to get another passport through your company??..he can use another name”

Now I am looking to get out of here..the snacks that have been bought up dont seem tasty anymore….

“See sir”..say K.. “please use your influence…”

“ cant be done. Impossible…” I say

“At least can you apply for visa?” the hopeful K asks.

I am now officially ready to kill K.

“Its a very minor offence..” K says again and the hotelier nods vigourously..

“So what is the case?” I ask..half in jest..

“Well”..says K “..they have accused him of being an accomplice to a attempted murder…please look at him sir, does he look like anyone who can commit a murder?..”
I looked at him..”Of course he does” I say (on the inside)..

“Well, lets see” I said..using the age old Indian expression for “no f***ing way…”

I left his office and K accompanied me downstairs… “Its a very minor offence sir”…he said as I walked away not turning back…

I havent seen K since…maybe hes disappeared..someone committed a minor offence on him perhaps?

The “Barber”ian

4 Aug

Copyright(c) Acknowledged

There’s this shop that I go for my haircuts (yes there’s still some left)..being going there for a long time. Owner is a nice gent called Murthy.

Its one of those places where you go get your hair cut, listen to some local gossip, seed some of your own gossip and incidentally get a hair cut. Its not a place where you go for hair styling..

Murthy is doing quite well..he has 10 shops in Bangalore..

Suddenly he opens up a posh air-conditioned “hair-styling” saloon next door.. and by “air-conditioning” I mean the real thing..not the windows being opened to let the cross breeze flow..

Well thats all well, except that the good Mr. Murthy has been egging us regular customers to go to the new place instead of the old one..the new one has AC but is much more expensive…

“Why sir you and all are coming here..come come please go to AC place sir..”…

But wait !!!!..its the same guy who was snip snipping at the old place doing the chowra here as well…

We are having a “Customer Group” meeting soon to discuss strategy…

BBMP Classic Sign

23 Jul

Scary when you think that these guys are in charge of “maintaining” our city.

Photo Courtesy: Vatsala Raghavendra aka Mom

To Pee or Not to Pee


No Snoozing

17 Jul

Notice seen in the locker room of a Golf Club in Bangalore next to the Massage Chairs.

Sleepers Beware

Sleepers Beware

In All “Fairness”

25 Jun

“Wanted Fair Bride….for fair and handsome groom…” (they forget to mention groom has buck teeth)
“How come he/she is so dark…must be inherited from his/her father’s side”….

Whats this obsession with fairness???

We have all kinds of ads promising to make you “white”…

The dumbest is this vaseline ad (Video below) where the coach says something to the effect ..”You are great in practice..but then you need to wear a tennis dress”…

Girl realizes that shes too colorful (read not white) for a tennis dress and decides to do something…

Girl then goes off and applies loads of vaseline, comes back and executes a perfect shot off the net to win the tournament..I think her fairness blinds the opponent…

What the f***…they even have a shade meter..

…and I am not even going to talk about those brilliant “Fair and Lovely” ads…

Jinxing It – Part II

16 Jun

All the while it was me jinxing it. Now apparently my car has that effect as well. Its the general belief that any work that needs to get done is delayed if we use my car. Here are some examples:

1. Have to pay Nikhils fee in college. We take my car and they have postponed fee collection by a day.

2. Have to buy books.. take my is closed…

These are just some of the examples… Now I am wondering if the car is a jinx or the people are 😉

I think we use jinxes as convinient excuses for things that dont happen. “The work did not get done because the cat crossed my path” is a common phrase, or I have heard people say “Everytime I see this guy/lady something bad happens”.

I guess its human nature to look for scapegoats 😦 .. do we???

Rolling his R’s

15 May

So finally got to meet Rads who was on a flying (literally) visit to Bangalore. It is indeed true that a persons writing says a lot about that person. Rads is every bit as her blog is..bubbly, cheerful.

She then wrote about her visit and mentioned in passing that she was “accused” of rolling her “R’s”. That triggered a memory…

SP was a family friend. He had returned from the USA and was teaching at one of the premier institutes in Bangalore. He was a big man with a quiet baritone voice and a drawl that came out of living in the USA for a long time.

So once mum’s college invites SP to speak at a student seminar.

Mum comes back home after the seminar and walks into the living room where dad and I are watching TV and reading (only one channel at that time).

“So how was SP’s talk today?” I ask …without looking up.

“Well…it was nice” mom says ..”but he rolls his R’s”.

“Rolls his Arse?”..I ask..both dad and I are imagining SP on the podium, the big man, undulating his behind while talking…that made this more interesting than watching Doordarshan.

“Thats pretty strange” says dad in all earnestness.. “SP is a serious type of fellow..maybe he does it because he wants to hold the audience’s attention”

“Ya ya maybe” mom says..”but its quite pronounced”

Now it gets even more and I are imagining SP doing a Helen on stage…

“Didnt anyone ask him to stop shaking his behind?” asked dad.

“What do you mean?” asks mom realizing that somethings amiss..

“Well.. he just can’t shake his arse in public can he?”

“Noooo Noooo… he rolls his R’s as in the letter R not his Arse”

“Aaaah…” we said…losing interest in the story and going back to watching Doordarshan on TV.

“Perverts…” mom says…