Archive | October, 2011

Cricket Geese

8 Oct

Everytime someone talks about Indian cricket they refer to the Golden Goose and whether the Indian Cricket board is killing it. So without further ado heres goes…

Disclaimer: All these opinions are my own and some of my friends who shall only be named in the court of law…

Indian Goose … World Famous in India. The board will work the goose overtime till it starts laying normal eggs instead of golden eggs..then start looking for another goose. Some geese are even called God and refuse to retire..other geese prefer to play in the IPL but will suddenly be afflicted by injuries when it comes to playing for India…

Pakistani Goose … No info on it..its being held for match fixing. These days it only lays eggs outside the country as other geese won’t visit it…The Pakistani Goose is adept at many tricks especially ball tampering…

Australian Goose … Will make debut late it its life…will later milk the Indian goose by either playing in the IPL or becoming a coach… very agressive but will start whining if the opposing goose retaliates…

English Goose .. Only plays test cricket. Still feels its the main Goose and pines for the time when England ruled the seas..or something like that

Zimbabwean Goose…has been banned from laying eggs because all the White Geese were replaced by colored ones

South African Goose … Doesnt lay eggs when it needs to…especially when there is a prize involved

New Zealand Goose … All the good geese play rugby…

West Indian Geese … Used to be a “stud” now most of those geese play basketball or baseball…the remaining geese keep fighting

Sri Lankan Geese … Known for bowling with a strange action similar to throwing..
Bangladeshi Goose … Never Mind…

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Air Travel Companions

5 Oct

I hate Air Travel…its boring. What makes it interesting though is people with different quirks ending up next to you…

So heres how I classify fellow travellers. All of these are MALE except for #2 and #5

… and yes I fall into many of these categories :-)….

Which category do you fall under?….come on…be honest..

So here goes:

The Newspaper Reader – The guy is like a hound dog..the first thing he does is collect all the newspapers he can find. He then proceeds to read them throughout the trip. Turning the page is a ceremony that involves him trying to do the entire activity in his seat but in actuality using your seat as well. While he is reading page 3, you get a glimpse of page 2. You need to “push” away the paper several times before he realizes hes in your space…oh ya his speciality is waking up people to ask whether he can “borrow” their paper or magazine.

The Blanket Sharer – They tend to wrap you in their blanket as well. This traveller tends to throw the blanket around themselves and usually end up hitting you in your eye with the blanket edge. Shawls are used as well…

The Armrest Invader – The most annoying type, cannot make up their mind whether they want the front half or the back half of the armrest.

The Spiller – Usually sits between you and the airhostess and tends to spill a full cup of hot liquid on you…fortunately airlines have started countering this with a small tray.

The Singer – Wears a headphone and Sings along…inside he/she sounds like Kishore or Lata…outside it sounds like….well coming out the wrong end..

The Dozer – Someone who has absolutely no stability. When they fall asleep..they fall..usually on you.

The Snorer and the Snorter – Its the dozer who snores to match the engine..the snort wakes them up…and then they go back to dozing, snoring and snorting again.

The iPad Show-Off – Its the latest fad.. the “I have and iPad and you dont” traveller…usually plays something throughout the flight and ocassionally looks around to see if anyones watching his sleek device.

Mr. Bheja Fry -The Moron who doesnt switch off his mobile phone and remembers that he has important business when the plane is ready to take off…this business is usually telling his wife that hes sitting in the plane

Mr. Cauliflower in Ear– The guy who keeps his seat back even when hes been told several times in several bloody languages.

The Aroma Therapist –  The guy who removes his shoes as soon as he is seated, revealing socks that havent been washed for generations…and a smell that needs to be classified as a biological weapon.

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