Tag Archives: Humor

Award Shows – Each one Has One !!!

19 Jan

Has anyone seen the number of movie Award shows that Bollywood has? Looks like each channel has one as does each consumer brand..in fact every brand in India that promotes Whiteness of Skin, Long’ness of Hair seems to sponsor one… Heres some that I know of:

1. Femina Awards

2. Zee Awards

3. Colors Awards

5. IIFA Awards

6. Etc etc etc etc etc

I am sure there are more..would someone care to add?

Its the same with TV News Channels all of them are winners in award ceremonies sponsored by them…. Times Now wins all the awards in award ceremonies sponsored by its group..same with CNN IBN and NDTV…all of them have an Anchor of the Year, Most Quarrelsome Host etc etc…


Designing a Hi-Tech, Multi-Speciality, Multi-Currency Hospital

9 Jan

The last few days have been eventful. My dad was admitted to the hospital for some tests on the “advise” of his friend the “family physician”. I had written a post on that before.

Based on my observations for the last couple of days, I believe that I have built up considerable expertise (wink wink) on how to build and design a hospital that will truly excel.

If you are planning to build a hospital, the first thing you need to do is to bring in a Chimpanzee to plan out your layout. Here are some of the do’s and dont’s.


1. DO NOT make the hospital convinient. Put departments as far away as possible. That way you can delay things while people are running around.

2. Have Emergency, Admissions, Registrations and the rooms as far away from each other as possible (refer to point #1)

3. Oh and by the way Billing is away from all these…and not to forget the insurance guys..they have to be as far away from billing as possible.

Once this is done, we need to give basic traning to people.

1. Learn “question ping pong”. Any question that you cannot answer, dont say you dont know..refer it to another department. The other department refers it back to you. You keep going back and forth till the customer is pissed off and refer it to another department who then refers it to a completely different department and they do the ping pong for a while.Finally the answer is given by the original department (they magically have the answer after a couple of hours of you running around).

2. Never Integrate..Never have a one-stop shop. If someone comes into Emergency, let them run around to admission, registration, rooms etc…lets not have the staff come over to them and take down information.

3. As soon as a patient comes into the hospital, get him into one of those skirts. That way he can’t go anywhere.

Finally use Dilbert’s Mission Statement Generator to generate your Mission Statement : At <Name of Hospital> we strive to provide international healthcare and facilities to our customers thereby providing an integrated and seamless medical experience which will enhance their lifestyles giving them a global perspective and seamless lifestyle.

DISCLAIMER: I have the utmost respect for Doctors and Medical Institutions. However I still feel that the layout of all these places are designed by Chimpanzees.

US Presidential Elections – Reactions

7 Nov

Obama has been re-elected. Leaders from all around the world have reacted to his elections. While you might have heard or read reactions from several of them, local politicians and the common man reacted to Obama’s election as well. Here is what they had to say:

Deve Gowda : I invite Sri Obama to join the 3rd front….SnoreeeeZZzzzzzzzz !!!!

Lalloo Yadav: “I am the very happy that my brather Obama has victoried in election. I am pleased to present 3 buffaloes to him”

Vatal Nagaraj : Down with Obama… he speaks only Englishu

Yeddy: I invite Obama to Bengaluru to launch my party and make me CM… I also hereby request the CM to allot him a 60X40 site…

Common Man: “Obama, Shobama I don’t care? Will it make BBMP pick up the garbage???


In the meantime, Arnab Goswami, Rajdeep Sardesai et all will all be trying to get “EXCLUSIVE” interviews with Obama’s Senior Assistant Joint Press Intern to talk about what Obama’s second term holds for India…also present will be all the doyens of the Indian Software industry who will hold forth on crucial world changing issues like billing rates and visa regimes…

Kids, Eating, and their poor Mothers

9 Apr

Kids, especially boys can drive their parents (especially mothers) up the wall. I am talking about the little ones, typically two to three years old.

My guy Nikhil was a terror when it came to eating, the wife and I had to keep coming up with different diversions to try and make him eat. For a while it was sitting in the sink in the kitchen with the water running. Then for a while it was a car chase scene in a Schwarzenegger movie (the particular scene got played over and over again while his majesty was dining), then it was one particular ad for a toothpaste and so on…

Then we came back to Bangalore. One of the first things I did was to go get him Malasa Puri at the local gaadi. Still remember the first “look” he gave me when he tasted the stuff. It was like “How come you guys haven’t been feeding me this all along”…

Cut to the present day, another precocious two plus year old is continuing in the same tradition. This time its the son of a close friend. Mum makes idly, he wants dosey, mum makes dosey, he wants something else…feeding sessions in their house involve the entire family, father, mother, grandad, grand mum, older sister..one usually finds the kid whizzing about the house chased by various elders trying to get him to eat.

Last week I stop by the house to drop something off and I see this feeding session going on. Hoping to contribute, I say “Hello S, hows your chapati?”…he looks at me, not even breaking a stride and says (in Kannada) “iDu shappathy alla doshe” (this is not Chapati, its dosey)…now suddenly he stops, looks at his mother (who is running after him with the Dose), puts his hand on his hips and then says “Nange iga shappathy beku” (I want chapati now).

I made a hasty exit !!!!

P.S: Haven’t taken S to the Gaadi yet !!


Gymming and Gymmers

31 Mar

Have been going to the Gym for the last 6 months now. It started as an exercise to get junior to go but instead I ended up being regular whereas Mr. Junior weaseled out on account of “a lot of work  to do in college..assignments etc…” which is basically an excuse for “I am too lazzzy…”.

Anyhow going to the gym has been a good experience. Not only do I get to work out but also do my favorite “observing” people thing…

The Young Turk – Comes 2 days at the beginning of the month and towards the end of the month. Runs a zillion km on the treadmill..doesn’t break a sweat..bloody jock !!!

The Wanderer – spends his time walking around in the gym making useless conversation..occasionally does some warmup

The former athlete – You can see that he was into some kind of minor sport at some time, he still has that swagger of time gone by..

The “I am going to be Married soon and need to lose weight” guy. Also called “I have an interview in 4 days and I need to lose 80 kilos”

The watcher – plonks himself at the workbench and watches other people exercise and hope he loses weight

The follower – Follows different people on different days and does the same exercises as them

Mr.Bean – Annoying feller who always is using the exercise machine that you want to. He watches what you are doing, knows where you want to go next and makes sure hes there… yesssss Mr. Bean is real.

Mirror Mirror – The guy who comes in and spends the first 10 minutes warming up in front of a mirror..occasionally checking biceps and tummy (one same and one increasing).

Which category am I?

Well…with all humility, I must say that I am one of those very few people who go to the gym and essentially exercise and ensure that I do none of the things above.


Cricket Geese

8 Oct

Everytime someone talks about Indian cricket they refer to the Golden Goose and whether the Indian Cricket board is killing it. So without further ado heres goes…

Disclaimer: All these opinions are my own and some of my friends who shall only be named in the court of law…

Indian Goose … World Famous in India. The board will work the goose overtime till it starts laying normal eggs instead of golden eggs..then start looking for another goose. Some geese are even called God and refuse to retire..other geese prefer to play in the IPL but will suddenly be afflicted by injuries when it comes to playing for India…

Pakistani Goose … No info on it..its being held for match fixing. These days it only lays eggs outside the country as other geese won’t visit it…The Pakistani Goose is adept at many tricks especially ball tampering…

Australian Goose … Will make debut late it its life…will later milk the Indian goose by either playing in the IPL or becoming a coach… very agressive but will start whining if the opposing goose retaliates…

English Goose .. Only plays test cricket. Still feels its the main Goose and pines for the time when England ruled the seas..or something like that

Zimbabwean Goose…has been banned from laying eggs because all the White Geese were replaced by colored ones

South African Goose … Doesnt lay eggs when it needs to…especially when there is a prize involved

New Zealand Goose … All the good geese play rugby…

West Indian Geese … Used to be a “stud” now most of those geese play basketball or baseball…the remaining geese keep fighting

Sri Lankan Geese … Known for bowling with a strange action similar to throwing..
Bangladeshi Goose … Never Mind…

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Air Travel Companions

5 Oct

I hate Air Travel…its boring. What makes it interesting though is people with different quirks ending up next to you…

So heres how I classify fellow travellers. All of these are MALE except for #2 and #5

… and yes I fall into many of these categories :-)….

Which category do you fall under?….come on…be honest..

So here goes:

The Newspaper Reader – The guy is like a hound dog..the first thing he does is collect all the newspapers he can find. He then proceeds to read them throughout the trip. Turning the page is a ceremony that involves him trying to do the entire activity in his seat but in actuality using your seat as well. While he is reading page 3, you get a glimpse of page 2. You need to “push” away the paper several times before he realizes hes in your space…oh ya his speciality is waking up people to ask whether he can “borrow” their paper or magazine.

The Blanket Sharer – They tend to wrap you in their blanket as well. This traveller tends to throw the blanket around themselves and usually end up hitting you in your eye with the blanket edge. Shawls are used as well…

The Armrest Invader – The most annoying type, cannot make up their mind whether they want the front half or the back half of the armrest.

The Spiller – Usually sits between you and the airhostess and tends to spill a full cup of hot liquid on you…fortunately airlines have started countering this with a small tray.

The Singer – Wears a headphone and Sings along…inside he/she sounds like Kishore or Lata…outside it sounds like….well coming out the wrong end..

The Dozer – Someone who has absolutely no stability. When they fall asleep..they fall..usually on you.

The Snorer and the Snorter – Its the dozer who snores to match the engine..the snort wakes them up…and then they go back to dozing, snoring and snorting again.

The iPad Show-Off – Its the latest fad.. the “I have and iPad and you dont” traveller…usually plays something throughout the flight and ocassionally looks around to see if anyones watching his sleek device.

Mr. Bheja Fry -The Moron who doesnt switch off his mobile phone and remembers that he has important business when the plane is ready to take off…this business is usually telling his wife that hes sitting in the plane

Mr. Cauliflower in Ear– The guy who keeps his seat back even when hes been told several times in several bloody languages.

The Aroma Therapist –  The guy who removes his shoes as soon as he is seated, revealing socks that havent been washed for generations…and a smell that needs to be classified as a biological weapon.

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine