When Freddie Visits

27 Jan

If the lady of the house hates something more than anything else in this world,  its Lizards. I on the other hand tend to leave them be… I am ok as long as I dont find them in my food… Come on we used to “hunt” chameleons when we were kids.. never caught one…

BUT my wife subscribes to a different theory. Lizard Hatred. She is not alone so do fellow bloggers Terris Mom and The Solitary Cynic.

Just to make her life miserable, the buggers seem to find an excuse to come into the house despite all attempts to keep them out. Then its left to me to device a technique to kick them out.

There are certain conditions though:

1. Thou shalt not touch the lizard – directly or indirectly

2. Thou shalt not kill the lizard

The idea is to induce it to the nearest exit by making tapping sounds behind it… kinda like leading sheep… except its from behind. This is where my trusted golf clubs come into maximum use (yes.. more useful than on the course…I still keep some clubs from my old set solely for this purpose).

The technique is useful in the open area. But more often than not they are found in an area where there are utensils and crockery. This leads to condition number 3

3. Thou shalt cause minimal damage to household goods.

So its early saturday morning and junior and I are sitting dozing over his books (ok lets get serious he was studying and I was dozing), when a sharp scream resounded across the house… yesssss… a lizard was spotted next to the gas cylinder.

I carefully cleared out all the containers from the vicinity and there in the corner was the feller. He tried to make a dash for cover but I thwarted it by shouting and dancing (like the “Where the Hell is Matt dance”) and he retreated back to his corner to watch me….

In the meantime, discussions were on about how to get him out…it was too far  away from the door to do the usual golf club thing.. the guy was under the counter and there was no way he could be “led” out to a window.. the ground route had too many hiding places…

During all this, he kept making attempts to hide but my dancing prowess held him spellbound…

Then the wife said “We’ll use a wet cloth and drop it on him…then you’ll carry him out…”

“I thought we werent supposed to touch him”..I said

“Well theres no other option.. just make sure to have a bath after that”

Then she made a decision… a brave one for her…  “You put the cloth on the thing…I’ll take him out”…

Its amazing that we could not find a piece of cloth when we wanted. Even after all most of my old clothes had ended up as rags. But finally we did find some…

So, I take a piece of cloth (a wet piece) and then throw it at the corner. Little Freddie then deftly escapes the throw but leaves his tail behind…

“The Tail, The Tail”…

“I know I know”.. says I.

The second piece of cloth hits the target and the guy is completely smothered.

The whole lump is then carted away out the back door (Lizard, cloth and all) and thrown  away at a safe distance… all this time madam hoping we handn’t killed the guy…

Last we saw, Freddie..minus his tail was limping away, mystified as to why he got thrown out of his warm enclosure, and wondering what he could take for the splitting headache he had…


29 Responses to “When Freddie Visits”

  1. Rajaram January 27, 2009 at 10:31 am #

    If you have obserevd, we see them more in our village homes…They eat all sorts of insects and keep the place/walls clean !..Yes, as long as they dont take dip into our food/drinks, I dont see any issues ( unlike musquitoes/bed bugs)….end of the day they have their part in nature,So why grib so much? ..As you probably know, people go to kanchi ( near Chennai) and touch those gloden lizards to get rid of some of the sins 7 back home throw teh real ones out !!

  2. A Cynic in Wonderland January 27, 2009 at 12:11 pm #

    sympathies to the wife. deep felt sympathies.

  3. BlueMist January 27, 2009 at 12:32 pm #

    Your wife is brave to touch that freddie and carry him out. hats off !!

  4. some body January 27, 2009 at 12:43 pm #


    that is like reading the ramayana and then wondering why ravana kidnapped rama!

    – s.b.

  5. Vijay January 27, 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    @rajaram: lots of people are squemish about lizards
    @cynic: knew you would empathize
    @bluemist: indeed. I think it was the adrenalin
    @sb: why did he?

  6. Nikhil January 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm #

    Hehehehe!!! Talk about Domestic Violence! 😀

  7. My3 January 27, 2009 at 1:30 pm #

    Wooooooo Hooooooo for Nikhilmommy!! I would live-and-let-live 😉 only because I am too quesy to grab it and take it out!!!! Cockroaches on the other hand, I have no problem throwing my shoes at 🙂

    Vijay: Good time to throw in the excuse that you need a new set of golf clubs 😀

  8. BlueMist January 27, 2009 at 3:16 pm #

    Somebody – Thanks for the enlightment. It is easy to point out ananymously. But i agree not all guts to have that url. They love to hide behind such anon comments. Sorry Vijay for taking up your space.

  9. terri January 27, 2009 at 5:50 pm #

    Who threw the tail out?

  10. Pradeep January 27, 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    I am okay with lizards, but not with cockroaches….

  11. Ram January 27, 2009 at 8:42 pm #

    Vijay “Freddie..minus his tail was limping away” what happened to the tail? 🙂

    apparently there are many sentiments/beliefs with lizard apparently. my parents say, I have touched those golden lizards in Kanchi, although i do not know the significance of placing the golden lizards there.

    i don’t see lizards here, but back home, nanage gnyaaparaka iro haage, nim thara ondhu stick thagondu horagade kalsthidhvi – athava porake thagondu halli-mele haaki haage thagondu hogi horagade haakthidhdhvi. so no harm done – touched directly: no; touched via porake: yes. 😉

  12. Vijay January 28, 2009 at 3:31 am #

    @Nikhil: 😀 .. thats another way to look at it
    @Bluemist: lol 😀
    @My3: Golf set…sigh !!!
    @terri: The Wife
    @Pradeep: 🙂 actually as Rajaram said above, Lizards are actually helpful… very misunderstood creatures
    @Ram: I think indirect touching = snaana

  13. Rajaram January 28, 2009 at 6:08 am #

    We seldom some of these creatures in BNG now a days..Snakes,Lizards, Rats, Sparrows etc.,..I think we must learn to live with these creatures else our coming generations might curse us !!

  14. gauri January 28, 2009 at 6:17 am #

    lol. I hope you’ve made sure he hasn’t left Frida or little Fredlets hiding behind!


  15. Alice January 28, 2009 at 9:44 am #

    neat…. and why havent u added me on ur blogroll 🙄 😉

  16. Vijay January 28, 2009 at 9:49 am #

    @rajaram: especially true of the sparrow (gubbachi)..
    @gauri: We’ll know soon enough … next time I hear a scream.. the little freddies are easy to escort out.. the bigger guys want to go their own way
    @alice: added 😀

  17. Veena Shivanna January 28, 2009 at 5:00 pm #

    probably half the people fear out for the badluck it brings if accidently it falls on you. (I think a pocket calendar describes variants of badluck it can bring if it falls through various angles on different points of the head, shoulders, left right etc.,!
    and people go touch that golden lizard in kanchi.. whats the logic? both in lizard falling as well as this golden lizard at kanchi!!…

    That reminds me a chapter(Reptiles) from high school which taught me the ability of the lizard to have their tail regenerated !

    Good story Vijay.. when we meet madam, we have good references to talk to her 🙂

  18. some body January 29, 2009 at 1:49 am #


    uh oh! i guess i got my just desserts for reading ramayana when the class was studying mahabharata!

    – s.b.

  19. Caftans Saga January 29, 2009 at 7:52 am #

    Man I love Bangalore with all them sweatshirts but I like cheese as well.


  20. Cuckoo January 29, 2009 at 5:22 pm #

    Your wife is very brave. I would have jumped onto my bed with my eyes popping out.

    Eeeek !

  21. gowri January 29, 2009 at 6:21 pm #

    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I cant say ewwwwwwwww enough. I HATE lizards. My dad used to take a small bucket with water and push the lizard into it with the help of a broom – this was if the lizard was on a wall which was where it would be in our house. No, the lizard would not die. it would get thrown outside immediately and it would just go away.

    Now if it is a smallish size lizard, how about using the vacuum cleaner and then throwing the bag out.

  22. Vijay January 30, 2009 at 6:48 am #

    @Cuckoo: She was very scared… for some reason she did not want me to do it that day …

    @gowri: Good method..I guess the guy would be sputtering for a while.. being in water and all…

  23. shivya January 30, 2009 at 12:05 pm #

    I am relieved that condition 2 holds at all times 🙂 I never get what it is with people and lizard hatred. They are harmless, pointless creatures!

  24. praneshachar February 4, 2009 at 12:35 am #

    two things lots of people are squemish about are lizards and cockroaches. one my cousin will jump if sees a cockroach ( a botony zoology student how disection was done is a mystery for us)
    so at least there is agreement at your end it should go out of the house
    good sturday retreat for me on a wed. morning

  25. Renu February 4, 2009 at 7:14 am #

    eeeks, i shall not say what I do when faced with similar situations.

  26. Vijay February 4, 2009 at 7:18 am #

    @shivya: The poor creatures get a bad rap
    @pranesh: 🙂
    @renu: Please educate us.. what do you do? 😀

  27. nalini February 4, 2009 at 2:34 pm #

    Lizards are still ok with me !! Not the size you get here though, they are giants !!
    But, cockroaches, they are a different story altogether. Esp the haaro jirles of Bangalore. We used to be the ones who would be “flying” all over the house and my poor dad would be made to chase them with the porke.

  28. Vijay February 7, 2009 at 10:55 am #

    @nalini: Yes.. the ones in your part of the country are big because of the “desi” ghee 😀

  29. Priya March 22, 2009 at 12:32 pm #

    Hey Vijay. Freddie sounds like a real dude.
    And a piece of tail has a whole new and even yuckier interpretation ( cannot blv I just said that!) .
    So did you prescribe anything for the headache?

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