Anchor Anchor on the wall…

18 Mar

TV News Channels are springing up everywhere… so more and more people are becoming anchors, news reporters, sports analysts, political analysts, and analyst analysts. I forsee that soon someone is going to start a “News Anchor” Training School just like they have Flight Attendant training schools. Here are some suggested training topics:

1. Pronounciations. Learn how to completely bungle names etc…

2. Voice Modulation. Teach them that you HAVE to shout if your reporter is far away… Notice how our sports anchors squeak in a high piched voice when they are talking to their guy in Australia. The same guys talk in a more mellow tone when the series takes place in India or Pakistan.

3. Buzzwords. An absolute necessity.

4. Inverted Cliches….Terms like “Bite the Bull and Take the Bullet by its horns”

Suggested faculty:

Karan Thapar: Topics – How to snarl at the Interviewee (special skills how to curl your lips so it disappears into your nose)… will also teach self defence (How to prevent getting throttled)

Rajdeep Sardesai – The art of high pitched interviewing and correct pronunciations (Baaangalooru, Dess Moines, Mallaaya) . Will also teach you to interview someone for a full hour without the guy knowing what the topic is.

Shekar Gupta – The Art of Walking and Talking at the same time while massaging the air with his hands.

Barkha Dutt- The art of conducting “face the nation” type of shows where she runs around the studio talking to people, sitting next to them…etc. Other topics…going to dangerous locations… (original copyright Phil Donahue)

Gaurav Kalra – CNN/IBN Sports Anchor – Assistant to Rajdeep Sardesai on voice modulation

Krish Srikkanth – How to address 10 different topics in one sentence.

Navjot Siddhu – What else… cliches

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9 Responses to “Anchor Anchor on the wall…”

  1. praneshachar March 18, 2008 at 6:29 am #

    LOL !!! great entreprunership idea sir somebody can encash TV anchoring. RJ’s so on and so forth great ideas come from great people hurrahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  2. Xylene March 18, 2008 at 6:38 am #

    I guess everyone is trying to have their own personality on screen, which they ofcourse have and want to stand out.
    BBC world got John Simpson has his own unique style. so does Pranoy Roy. I never used to miss, “World this week “on DD2 or his talk show on BBC world. I guess he is the best in Indian television.

  3. | Balu | March 18, 2008 at 8:26 am #

    Talk abt funny pronunciation.. remember how these anchors pronounced (at least tried to) Yediyurappa? (oops did I spell that right?)

  4. neela March 18, 2008 at 8:50 am #

    some more faculty…
    shekhar suman of poll -khol fame can teach about how to manage props online…he manages a monkey puppet.
    harsha bhogle can teach how to keep a straight face in all crooked situations..
    deepak chaurasia of aaj tak can teach how to corner the ‘prey’
    deepak thimmayya of udaya can teach how to smile, smile and still …..
    mandira bedi can teach….;)

    olle idea kottideera sir,copyright ge apply maadi

  5. My3 March 18, 2008 at 10:05 am #

    😦 IlikeKrishSrikanth!

    We have our own bloviating heros on the small screen! They seem to think that we prefer to hear their opinions on the screen instead of hard news!!! And these people are supposed to be newscasters and not opinion-givers!

    NPR radio news is the best voice modulation. I make my son listen to the way they talk so that he can speak more clearly in the debate competitions he loves to attend.

  6. aniche March 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm #

    all those oldies u’ve listed should get out. put up some hot chicks and i dont care even if they are giving me the wrong information, which they already are probably. 😀

  7. Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab March 19, 2008 at 2:41 am #

    LOL, #4 is so true. I was watching this story on the Indian stock market, and the guy said something like “the bear bulldozes the bull” – talk about mixing metaphors. He also worked in a “tottered” somehow. 🙂

  8. Xylene March 19, 2008 at 9:07 am #

    Vijay,
    Did you see the latest Head Lines Today commercial ?
    that is mimicking the entire India television anchors it goes like this…

    blah blah blah blah.. blah blah.

    if u havent seen it, just tune into MTV or star movies and u could catch the ad.
    🙂

  9. some body March 23, 2008 at 2:42 am #

    “Navjot Siddhu – What else… cliches”

    here is the dictionary meaning of a cliche. do sidhuisms qualify?

    – s.b.

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