Cricket Geese

Everytime someone talks about Indian cricket they refer to the Golden Goose and whether the Indian Cricket board is killing it. So without further ado heres goes…

Disclaimer: All these opinions are my own and some of my friends who shall only be named in the court of law…

Indian Goose … World Famous in India. The board will work the goose overtime till it starts laying normal eggs instead of golden eggs..then start looking for another goose. Some geese are even called God and refuse to retire..other geese prefer to play in the IPL but will suddenly be afflicted by injuries when it comes to playing for India…

Pakistani Goose … No info on it..its being held for match fixing. These days it only lays eggs outside the country as other geese won’t visit it…The Pakistani Goose is adept at many tricks especially ball tampering…

Australian Goose … Will make debut late it its life…will later milk the Indian goose by either playing in the IPL or becoming a coach… very agressive but will start whining if the opposing goose retaliates…

English Goose .. Only plays test cricket. Still feels its the main Goose and pines for the time when England ruled the seas..or something like that

Zimbabwean Goose…has been banned from laying eggs because all the White Geese were replaced by colored ones

South African Goose … Doesnt lay eggs when it needs to…especially when there is a prize involved

New Zealand Goose … All the good geese play rugby…

West Indian Geese … Used to be a “stud” now most of those geese play basketball or baseball…the remaining geese keep fighting

Sri Lankan Geese … Known for bowling with a strange action similar to throwing..
Bangladeshi Goose … Never Mind…

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Air Travel Companions

I hate Air Travel…its boring. What makes it interesting though is people with different quirks ending up next to you…

So heres how I classify fellow travellers. All of these are MALE except for #2 and #5

… and yes I fall into many of these categories ….

Which category do you fall under?….come on…be honest..

So here goes:

The Newspaper Reader – The guy is like a hound dog..the first thing he does is collect all the newspapers he can find. He then proceeds to read them throughout the trip. Turning the page is a ceremony that involves him trying to do the entire activity in his seat but in actuality using your seat as well. While he is reading page 3, you get a glimpse of page 2. You need to “push” away the paper several times before he realizes hes in your space…oh ya his speciality is waking up people to ask whether he can “borrow” their paper or magazine.

The Blanket Sharer - They tend to wrap you in their blanket as well. This traveller tends to throw the blanket around themselves and usually end up hitting you in your eye with the blanket edge. Shawls are used as well…

The Armrest Invader – The most annoying type, cannot make up their mind whether they want the front half or the back half of the armrest.

The Spiller – Usually sits between you and the airhostess and tends to spill a full cup of hot liquid on you…fortunately airlines have started countering this with a small tray.

The Singer – Wears a headphone and Sings along…inside he/she sounds like Kishore or Lata…outside it sounds like….well coming out the wrong end..

The Dozer – Someone who has absolutely no stability. When they fall asleep..they fall..usually on you.

The Snorer and the Snorter – Its the dozer who snores to match the engine..the snort wakes them up…and then they go back to dozing, snoring and snorting again.

The iPad Show-Off – Its the latest fad.. the “I have and iPad and you dont” traveller…usually plays something throughout the flight and ocassionally looks around to see if anyones watching his sleek device.

Mr. Bheja Fry -The Moron who doesnt switch off his mobile phone and remembers that he has important business when the plane is ready to take off…this business is usually telling his wife that hes sitting in the plane

Mr. Cauliflower in Ear- The guy who keeps his seat back even when hes been told several times in several bloody languages.

The Aroma Therapist -  The guy who removes his shoes as soon as he is seated, revealing socks that havent been washed for generations…and a smell that needs to be classified as a biological weapon.

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

The Royal Wedding

Ok people…Royal Wedding done. Time to carry on with life…

For me it was as exciting as hearing about Rakhi Saawant taking part in a reality show. Who cares…

 The only good thing about the wedding is that we get to see (maybe) all the jewelry that originally belonged here…

Ciriket Diplomacy

Okay..time to put a silly post together again… has been a while since I posted, SO I DESERVE AN IDIOTIC POST !!!

With India and Pakistan playing each other in the World Cup Semis, our “fearless leaders” have “in the spirit of the occasion” decided to invite their “fearless” counterparts from across the border. They have already pooh poohed the fact that they will be talking business here. “Its purely phor the enzaayment of the game” they say.
As if the cops didn’t have enough to do, every Tom, Dick, and Tiwari are attending..anyone who can afford it I guess. Last rumors were that tickets in the VIP area were going for Rs. 3 Lakh.

In fact its a good thing that they wont be talking shop. If they did, heres what the conversations between the two PMs would be like:

India: Is Dawood in Pakistan?
Pak: Well..we dont know..maybe maybe not…
India: What is it..yes or no?
Pak: What is?
India: What you mean what is…Is Dawood in Pak?
Pak: Oh I get it…
India: So is he?
Pak: Is he what?
India: In Pakistan?
Pak: Where?
India: I dont know, you tell me?
Pak: Tell you what?
India: Never mind…lets move on…watch the game

Now lets get to the next topic…

India: Does Pakistan sponsor terror?
Pak: On TV?
India: No in India…
Pak: Sponsor on Indian TV?
India: No !! No !!! Does Pakistan sponsor terrorism in India?
Pak: Why do you ask?
India: Just thought I’d bring it up..
Pak: We dont know.. I mean..we dont know…
India: Do you or dont you…
Pak: Do we or dont we what?
India: My my..look at the time..lets get moving or we’ll be late for dinner..

Pak: So lets talk about IPL
Ind: So lets talk
Pak: Why no Pak players?
India: Where?
Pak:In the IPL?
India: yes!!!
Pak: Why?
India: Why what?? Why are there no Pak Players in the IPL?
Pak:That is what I asked??
India: Why do you ask?
Pak..and Kashmir?
India: Yes? What about it?
Pak: are you going to give it up?
India: give what up
Pak: kashmir
India: why??

Oh **** it..lets go out for dinner…

Next day papers: India and Pakistan had a fruitful round of dialogue (what they mean is that they had good dessert).
All the TV channels will have an “exclusive” with each of the PMs…. AT THE SAME TIME !!!!

The Anatomy of “preparing” for an Event. Indian Ishtyle

First we had the Commonwealth Games. Now the Cricket world cup. Each of these has stadia being prepared at the last moment….Eden Gardens looks like a dump..and yet they are “assuring” people that they will be ready…fortunately Suresh Kalmadi doesnt have his tentacles here..else they’d be short of money as well..

So typically heres how we seem to approach events in general:

1. Go all out to get the event to be held in India. Send Aishwarya Rai, Dawood Ibrahim etc.. In other words do what it takes…

2. Keep quiet till only a few months are left..suddenly wake up and realize that small things such as roads, electricity, water and of course the stadia needs to be built or repaired..now start deciding who to award the project to..in most cases the awardees are friends, relatives and thieves (not necessarily in that order).

3. In the meantime our News Channels that are hungry for news start sending out “investigative” reporters with hidden cameras…then the debate starts… usually the headlines will be something like “INDIA SHAMED AGAIN…”

4. In the meantime the members of the Organizing committe or the local organizers (like the ones in Kolkata) keep saying everything is on track.. background shows workers mixing concrete to build the statium to host the event in another two weeks…

5. TV channels in the meantime are using this as a filler between the next scam and high profile murder…

6. Now suddenly the politicians realize that they can get mileage from this situation as well…so they jump into the fray…usually accusing the government and demanding resignations…usually of unrelated ministers…for instance in this case, the defence minister and the foreign minister will be asked to resign…of course the PM is a common factor in all calls for resignations..

7. As in the case with Eden Gardens, the finance minister who happens to be from Bengal..says “I am dephinetely soor that bhee vill be ready. I will talk to Mr. Powor”…

8. Meantime the above mentioned Mr. Powor is figuring how to hide onions…

…and so it goes..on and on and on and on… we never seem to learn…

Oh ya..and then the Parlimentary Enquiries Start…

“Learning” inside out

The “L” board on a friend’s car pasted the wrong way…he claims his wife (who is learning to drive in India) stuck it. Me thinks its my buddy…and yes I told him I’d blog it !!!

Good Food but …..

When you go to a restaurant hell bent on eating a specific kind of food and then you end up eating something else…no matter how good the food is, its still not the same.

Heres what happened…

Over the past few months there were signs that “Eden Park” was opening near the office. That was exciting news as they are known for their super Andhra food. Check out the reviews here.

Last weekend they finally opened. Today we trooped down there (its walkable) all set to eat Andhra food and the wonderful pachadis that Eden Park serves, only to find that its the same Eden Park alright but NO ANDHRA FOOD…

“Its Fine Dining Sir we have three restaurants here, North Indian, Chinese and Kababs..” the steward told us..

That was a bummer..we had the North Indian (mainly because we didnt feel like walking to another place), but all along we were only thinking of the food we didn’t have…

Food was good, Price was high, but sadly it wasn’t what we wanted….

One more lunch wasted !!!

Whats up Doc?

Disclaimer: If you are a doctor and you are not like this, then this article isnt about you…

Has anyone noticed that simple visits to the doctor just dont exist anymore. Back in the old days, you’d have a cough or a cold, you’d visit the doctor who would tell you to take a few medicines and get some rest.

Not anymore.

Old Visits

Doctor: Why son..cannot do without seeing me aa? So what is wraang?

Patient: I have temparature, cough, cold….

Doctor: All your imagination I say..just take these tablets and you will be ready for school on Monday.

Patient: Damn You Doctor (on the inside). (Outwardly) Thank You.

Nowadays

Doctor: Why I say..what is the problem?

Patient: I have temparature, cough, cold…

Doctor: Tch, Tch..we really need to get you tested… ok heres a set of tests I need you to get done. First do a blood test at XXX Clinical Lab, next get your stools tested (and while you are at it take mine as well.. ok ok..I kid). Next we need to get an MRI done and then lets get a chest X-Ray. After that lets get a Scan done as well. You will need to get the scan done at this center only. Please dont go anywhere else. In the meantime take this medicine and you should be okay.

Patient: Sure !@#$$%^$ (on the inside). (Outwardly) Thank You.

UPDATE: Cost of Scans Rs. 10,000. Doctors fees: Rs. 200 (so cheap..well of course it is cheap, not counting the cut they receive from the labs.

Few days later..

Doctor: Absolutely perfect I say..nothing wrong with you.. I also see that theres no more temparature..looks like the Crocin I gave you worked..

Somewhere I get the feeling that going to a clinic these days is the same as going to a mechanic. I’ve never been to a mechanic who sees my car and says everything is all right.. it always needs something done.

A Picture is worth two and a half words…

While I am still suffering from Bloggers Block (also called “Who cares about what I write” Syndrome), I am thankful to my mobile phone and people who provide these wonderful photo opportunities…

While we are on the subject, check out this blog. A wonderful parody on twitter.

In the meantime here are the pictures.. I leave it up to you, oh “intelligent” reader to see the goof-ups.

The New “Queens English”??

A friend forwarded me this mail he got from an Engineering student looking for a project. Take a look at the English, its fascinating. I showed this to junior and hes like “Thats the way it is now dad..” ..Yikes !!!!

heii

its XXXX here..! YYYY had given ua refrence for the project.
em from ZZZZ college of engineering mysore.7th sem, our project duration is not even exact 5months its like coll starts from feb ends with may, each week we ll get 2days for proectj,in january i ve holidays so we planning
to start from jan.our team consist of 3members.we are in search of java/.net projects of small modules..
we need your help for it..!!!if u have any suggestions lemme know about it sir.!!
we’ll be waitin for your response..thank u cya.