Happy Ugadi – 2014 and the Elections are here

Happy Ugadi to All…really need to get back to Blogging. I miss writing.

Now that the Elections are here, it will definitely provide new fodder.

I miss Lallooo, Deve Gowda and the other stalwarts who provided so much to write about. Too bored to write about Rahul Gandhi…

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TV Reporters….Learn to !@#%^$$$ pronounce !!!!!

Dear Reporters and Newsreaders on CNN-IBN, Times Now,NDTV and all the other etc etc Channels… please note the following:

1. Its not Karnatak… its Karnataka…see the extra “A” at the end? Come on is it so hard?

2. Its Bengaluru not Bangaluru, not Bangaloooooru

3. The CM’s name is pronounced Sidda-raamaiah..NOT Sidda-ramya..if you can’t say it just say Siddu like the rest of us…

4. Finally its Kannada…not Kannad …again its just an extra “A”..if you guys need to get paid extra to say it..just say so to your employer !!!

Do I call you Rajdip? No its Rajdeep…

Do I call you Arnav..no its Arnab…

Do I call you..don’t remember the name of anyone on NDTV !!!!!

Take some time and effort before you start blabbering on National TV.. If you can’t, there are others who can…

 

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Dont wan’t to work hard? Get downgraded…Use Reservations…

States want to be labelled backward. Why? Because they’ll get more funds without working for it.

Communities vie with each other to be labelled backward.Why? Because they don’t have to work hard to get seats and jobs.

I even have a friend who got a certificate that made him a backward class in a minority community just so he’d get an Engineering seat.

Without going into details about how the system is screwed up, lets look at the mentality that causes people to do it.

Basically, the mind is fed from a very young age that you don’t need to work hard and there is an easier way without having to use your brains. The method is to milk the system and find loopholes that will help you in the milking process.

Communities that cannot milk the system get jealous and start protesting. There was one community in Rajasthan that put thousands of people on the street demanding a lower Scheduled Tribe status instead of their current higher status… WTF !!!

I get it that there are people who are economically backward and need to be helped. But the people at the receiving end of a lot of this largesse are not poor. They just want to as one “leader” puts it, they want to “qualify for government jobs” hence the need for re-classification. They don’t want to do it on merit.

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Bogus Surveys

For a while, every time I visit Cricinfo, I get a little balloon popup asking me to take a “Short” survey… after resisting it for a while, I thought what the hell…the questions started out relevant to cricket.. How often do you visit Cricinfo? What is your favorite section? etc etc…then suddenly the survey starts asking me about the car I own, how often do I eat out, do I watch movies etc etc?
Obviously either Cricinfo or the survey company are doing multiple surveys in one but not telling you that up front…

Needless to say, I did not complete the survey !!!

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TV Ads – Creativity vs Social Responsibility

I see car Ads these days and each one seems to be keen to outdo the others in showing dangerous driving. I guess they want to demonstrate great breaking systems, they keep mentioning Air Bags (as if they want to get you into an accident)…and then the cars keep jumping over humps (great shocks), do wheelies etc… and these cars are always driven by youngsters.

Its all nice and creative but what kind of message but what message is it sending? The advertising companies definitely know they are not doing the right thing because all of these Ads have a small disclaimer that says “Don’t do this on your own” or something like that !!!

There was an accident on NICE road in Bengaluru the other day where 3 of the 4 kids riding a brand new car were killed when they try to imitate a stunt… okay silly kids, the Ad company had a disclaimer..but does a disclaimer make it alright?

Heres an Ad by Maruti Suzuki

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Award Shows – Each one Has One !!!

Has anyone seen the number of movie Award shows that Bollywood has? Looks like each channel has one as does each consumer brand..in fact every brand in India that promotes Whiteness of Skin, Long’ness of Hair seems to sponsor one… Heres some that I know of:

1. Femina Awards

2. Zee Awards

3. Colors Awards

5. IIFA Awards

6. Etc etc etc etc etc

I am sure there are more..would someone care to add?

Its the same with TV News Channels all of them are winners in award ceremonies sponsored by them…. Times Now wins all the awards in award ceremonies sponsored by its group..same with CNN IBN and NDTV…all of them have an Anchor of the Year, Most Quarrelsome Host etc etc…

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Designing a Hi-Tech, Multi-Speciality, Multi-Currency Hospital

The last few days have been eventful. My dad was admitted to the hospital for some tests on the “advise” of his friend the “family physician”. I had written a post on that before.

Based on my observations for the last couple of days, I believe that I have built up considerable expertise (wink wink) on how to build and design a hospital that will truly excel.

If you are planning to build a hospital, the first thing you need to do is to bring in a Chimpanzee to plan out your layout. Here are some of the do’s and dont’s.

INTERNAL MOTTO: OUR ENTIRE FOCUS IS TO MAKE THE CUSTOMER/PATIENT SPEND AS MUCH TIME IN THE HOSPITAL AS POSSIBLE !!!!

1. DO NOT make the hospital convinient. Put departments as far away as possible. That way you can delay things while people are running around.

2. Have Emergency, Admissions, Registrations and the rooms as far away from each other as possible (refer to point #1)

3. Oh and by the way Billing is away from all these…and not to forget the insurance guys..they have to be as far away from billing as possible.

Once this is done, we need to give basic traning to people.

1. Learn “question ping pong”. Any question that you cannot answer, dont say you dont know..refer it to another department. The other department refers it back to you. You keep going back and forth till the customer is pissed off and refer it to another department who then refers it to a completely different department and they do the ping pong for a while.Finally the answer is given by the original department (they magically have the answer after a couple of hours of you running around).

2. Never Integrate..Never have a one-stop shop. If someone comes into Emergency, let them run around to admission, registration, rooms etc…lets not have the staff come over to them and take down information.

3. As soon as a patient comes into the hospital, get him into one of those skirts. That way he can’t go anywhere.

Finally use Dilbert’s Mission Statement Generator to generate your Mission Statement : At <Name of Hospital> we strive to provide international healthcare and facilities to our customers thereby providing an integrated and seamless medical experience which will enhance their lifestyles giving them a global perspective and seamless lifestyle.

DISCLAIMER: I have the utmost respect for Doctors and Medical Institutions. However I still feel that the layout of all these places are designed by Chimpanzees.

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2012 in review

I HAVE BECOME SO LAZY THAT I LET WORDPRESS DO THE YEAR IN REVIEW !!!!!

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 25,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 6 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

US Presidential Elections – Reactions

Obama has been re-elected. Leaders from all around the world have reacted to his elections. While you might have heard or read reactions from several of them, local politicians and the common man reacted to Obama’s election as well. Here is what they had to say:

Deve Gowda : I invite Sri Obama to join the 3rd front….SnoreeeeZZzzzzzzzz !!!!

Lalloo Yadav: “I am the very happy that my brather Obama has victoried in election. I am pleased to present 3 buffaloes to him”

Vatal Nagaraj : Down with Obama… he speaks only Englishu

Yeddy: I invite Obama to Bengaluru to launch my party and make me CM… I also hereby request the CM to allot him a 60X40 site…

Common Man: “Obama, Shobama I don’t care? Will it make BBMP pick up the garbage???

 

In the meantime, Arnab Goswami, Rajdeep Sardesai et all will all be trying to get “EXCLUSIVE” interviews with Obama’s Senior Assistant Joint Press Intern to talk about what Obama’s second term holds for India…also present will be all the doyens of the Indian Software industry who will hold forth on crucial world changing issues like billing rates and visa regimes…

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Vijaya High Chronicles – Brothers and Sisters “At Large”

Guest post by Prof. Bellave Shivaram

Almost everyone has a brother or a sister.  Some brothers and sisters may even overlap in school if the age difference is not too large.  My brother and I overlapped at VHS for two years.  I can also recall two twins in the same section who were in the year senior class and also a cousin brother pair.  There might have been others, a brother and sister pair or a sister and sister pair but I was not aware of any of those. In our case, I knew who most of my brother’s friends were and he certainly knew my friends – but it was a mutually exclusive arrangement.  He did not hang around with us and I knew his friends as mere acquaintances.  But I like to touch upon a different sort of relationship not mentioned above – I am talking about the invisible brothers (and sisters) we all have.  Let me explain.

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